Well, I don’t know how your new year started, I genuinely hope it was a goodie. Mine started with me going fucking mental.
I’ve always been a bit of an over thinker and a massive introvert by nature. I like people, I have friends, I socialise (or used to before Covid), but I get really burn’t out by it. I need time on my own just to think clearly and recharge. I can’t think properly when I am around people all the time and I find the mental energy it takes deal with all complexities and drama of Human interaction, with all its crossed wires, misunderstandings, competing motivations, lenses and ideals … Just sucks all the fucking life out of me … and in turn, all the creativity.
At the start of the Year, I let a lot of things get on top of me that had been building up over time, and with the added pressures of a toddler, Covid and worrying about other people in my life that were also having problems … I totally lost the plot.
It was like the needle in my brain had got stuck in the run off groove and someone had activated the fight or flight mode switch and I couldn’t turn it off. My thoughts were pacing all the time, my heart rate was running at 90 constantly, and I just couldn’t sleep for love nor fucking money … oh the fucking sleep (I’m still struggling a bit with that now). I used to be able to sleep for England but when all this started, a mouse fart 3 streets away was enough to wake me up and BOOM! I’m on like a light switch … I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s was fucking miserable.
But I do feel better than I did, and things would have been a hell of lot worse if I hadn’t done something about it when I did and got help … I was lucky enough to have a wife who convince me to ring the Dr’s ( I think I’ve been to the Drs about 4 times in 20 years). Something I don’t think I would have done on my own.
There is a lot of guilt and shame that comes with experiencing extreme stress and anxiety or feeling like you just can’t cope with the pressures of modern life, but please don’t let it get to the point where your brain snaps.
As human beings we only have so much bandwidth and the pace of modern life is ridiculous. The amount of information coming at us , decisions we now have to make, and choices that are available to us is absolutely fucking mind boggling.
We are not evolved to live like this and how anybody remains “Sane” in this maelstrom is the real mystery.
We all have a lens forged from our circumstances, upbringing, life experiences, values, and (in this day and age) the content we choose to consume. And we use this lens to filter all the chaos into something our brain can manage … and it is really easy for that lens to become distorted or broken by the pressure and knocks of modern life, which creates and amplifying effect
If your lens is fucked, you need to take the pressure off and get it reset. That can be as simple as just talking to someone, or maybe even getting some pharmaceuticals grade help from your Dr’s in order to bolster the load while you adjust your focus but please, please … Speak to someone … anyone.
Tell your Wife/Husband/Friend
Ring your GP,
Ring a Local (or national) Mental health Charity (there will no doubt be several in your area).
Ring your local Crisis Team
Just please speak to somebody … even if it doesn’t magically solve all your problems … You will feel better for just talking to someone, and there are things you can do, and that they can help you with that will help your situation.
Don’t shoulder this burden alone … Speak to someone, please.